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Change of Perspective

I can seen a beam of sun shining through the shade this morning and I think it’s a picture of my life right now. I still have the shades down, but the light is coming in. I am thankful to be glad about some things again. I got a message from my past and it sent me in a bit of a panic. My old youth leader’s wife wanted testimonials from youth group. I am like, what? I don’t remember anything. My teen years were miserable ,and although I have a few good memories, youth group wasn’t one of them. I rarely did anything with them. I gave her a tiny tidbit and that was it. I don’t want to go there. It’s past I needed to forget. I really fear my own kids will feel the same way about their childhood. When you are isolated all your formative years, you don’t learn how to form healthy relationships. My husband and I have figured it out through loads of therapy and just being both odd enough to get each other most of the time. I wish I could protect them from the damage people bring. You can do that damage without even knowing your doing it. It isn’t all cruel teasing. Some of it is just forgetting about people. Do you see them? Do you really? After a while people withdraw to save themselves the disappointment. Before you know it your a forty-four year old woman who would rather have a conversation with a five year old than try to figure out adult dynamics. But I am supposed to be positive here. I am happier at home. Because I think they are trying. It’s still a work in progress, but I am not doomed to do it alone.

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