You remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to get a Cracker Box prize. You dig around only to find the prize is a tiny sticker in a plastic bag. All expectations are squashed by such a disappointment. Sometimes we want something to be better, and realistically it can be. BUT in our zeal for something better we develop unrealistic expectations. That causes us to miss the positive good things that ARE happening. I imagine everyone goes through this for one reason or another. For me Christmas just makes me super emotional and sad. No matter how hard I try not to let it get the better of me; it always does. I’m reminded that most of my family is miles away. Being physically closer wouldn’t guarantee seeing them more. I fear my own children will do the same. I try not to go there, but know if I just got in the car and drove away there’s only one person who would notice and it would take awhile. So as I force myself to be in the moment and not entertain my self loathing, you consider your own expectations. Why are you disappointed? Are you thinking clearly? Accurately? Cause sometimes I just have to do a mental walk away. And sleep on it. Things will look better in the sunshine.
Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
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