You remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to get a Cracker Box prize. You dig around only to find the prize is a tiny sticker in a plastic bag. All expectations are squashed by such a disappointment. Sometimes we want something to be better, and realistically it can be. BUT in our zeal for something better we develop unrealistic expectations. That causes us to miss the positive good things that ARE happening. I imagine everyone goes through this for one reason or another. For me Christmas just makes me super emotional and sad. No matter how hard I try not to let it get the better of me; it always does. I’m reminded that most of my family is miles away. Being physically closer wouldn’t guarantee seeing them more. I fear my own children will do the same. I try not to go there, but know if I just got in the car and drove away there’s only one person who would notice and it would take awhile. So as I force myself to be in the moment and not entertain my self loathing, you consider your own expectations. Why are you disappointed? Are you thinking clearly? Accurately? Cause sometimes I just have to do a mental walk away. And sleep on it. Things will look better in the sunshine.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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