You remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to get a Cracker Box prize. You dig around only to find the prize is a tiny sticker in a plastic bag. All expectations are squashed by such a disappointment. Sometimes we want something to be better, and realistically it can be. BUT in our zeal for something better we develop unrealistic expectations. That causes us to miss the positive good things that ARE happening. I imagine everyone goes through this for one reason or another. For me Christmas just makes me super emotional and sad. No matter how hard I try not to let it get the better of me; it always does. I’m reminded that most of my family is miles away. Being physically closer wouldn’t guarantee seeing them more. I fear my own children will do the same. I try not to go there, but know if I just got in the car and drove away there’s only one person who would notice and it would take awhile. So as I force myself to be in the moment and not entertain my self loathing, you consider your own expectations. Why are you disappointed? Are you thinking clearly? Accurately? Cause sometimes I just have to do a mental walk away. And sleep on it. Things will look better in the sunshine.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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