You remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to get a Cracker Box prize. You dig around only to find the prize is a tiny sticker in a plastic bag. All expectations are squashed by such a disappointment. Sometimes we want something to be better, and realistically it can be. BUT in our zeal for something better we develop unrealistic expectations. That causes us to miss the positive good things that ARE happening. I imagine everyone goes through this for one reason or another. For me Christmas just makes me super emotional and sad. No matter how hard I try not to let it get the better of me; it always does. I’m reminded that most of my family is miles away. Being physically closer wouldn’t guarantee seeing them more. I fear my own children will do the same. I try not to go there, but know if I just got in the car and drove away there’s only one person who would notice and it would take awhile. So as I force myself to be in the moment and not entertain my self loathing, you consider your own expectations. Why are you disappointed? Are you thinking clearly? Accurately? Cause sometimes I just have to do a mental walk away. And sleep on it. Things will look better in the sunshine.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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