Skip to main content

Ruby a very bright encouragement

I've been looking for this bear that hubby gave me for a while. She was buried in my son's closet of all things. Right before I went to the hospital I had been flooded with memories. Most of them not good. I remembered that I was often dressed in pink. My bedroom was pink walls and rose carpet. My bedspread was pink roses. The end tables had pink table cloths. It isn't so much that I "hate" pink although that's how it felt at the time. I just realized over time that I like all kinds of color. Not a whole bunch of just one. That if I had to nail down one favorite color it wouldn't be pale pink. BUT I don't mind it now in small doses mixed with other stuff. My mother didn't like red so she got me pink instead Her-favorite. It was the realization that I went almost 25 years letting everyone else make all my decisions. If I tried to choose my own it would have caused conflict. We fought about everything as it was so I had to just let it go. Wear the skirt I thought was ugly. I wore it for dress like an old lady day yet my mother thought I liked it. Passive aggression will get you no where, but miserable. Trust me on that. Find a way to live with it or deal with it head on. Now, I pick clothes that I like period. Some people like them and some don't, and that really is okay. Hubby doesn't really give a lot of complements and frankly that's always been okay. Because when he does he really means it. He knew I was hurting and just wanted to encourage me. A bright red bear might seem really silly to you, but it represents a whole lot of love. Because most people would have walked away and never spoke to me again after that,and some did. But not my sweet hubby. I might need the reminder now that we're getting old and tired. You come home and just want to crash and sleep. Nothing left to give. But somewhere in there is the same person you love. Still loving you in spite of everything. Don't give up on each other. Yes, things hit us and shake us we aren't expecting. Yes, things happen we weren't planning on. Yes, we have to step back to see that he is still there. Maybe we have to work just a bit harder.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ansomnia

Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
2 comments
Read more

The Kid Perspective

As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
3 comments
Read more

Happy Light

 I’m haven’t used my “happy light” in a long time, but it seemed like a good idea today. The sky is grey and it’s been raining a few days. The light mimics sunlight to help treat seasonal effective disorder. Fancy title for I need more sun. Our world is a scary place right now. Besides the worldwide violence there is an increase in senseless crimes like school shootings and church shootings. Wildfires are destroying whole neighborhoods, and floods are still displacing people from their homes. We live in harsh times. I saw people who were in such a hurry to get through the grocery store that they couldn’t see anyone else. A world in desperate need of light. As I found myself crumbling today, I have to remind myself of the mission. “Let your light so shine before men…” Matthew 5:16. People think I am naive when I choose to dwell on positive things. I am aware of the ugly things going on around me. Some days you can feel it in the atmosphere. A heaviness flows that is contagious. I kn...
Post a Comment
Read more