I haven’t written in a while so here goes. I am experiencing life like a drippy faucet. I get up and wait for it to end and start all over again. I knew today was one of those days I should have gone outside, but there’s no place to go. And the house is still a mess and I really do want it to be getting increasingly better. There’s no one to say hey I am feeling especially negative today. Cause let’s be honest; no one wants to hear that. The fact is that my disease means feeling bad for no good reason. Getting up anyway and waiting for the wave to pass. So for my friends who like me can’t be honest about their struggles, it’s okay. We’re human and sometimes just don’t feel good. I did accomplish something today. I thought I am disappointed I didn’t do more and yes I wish someone could say it’s enough. Because I am never going to be perfect this side of eternity. Okay that’s the lot. Going to take a hot shower and try to leave the house.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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