I wanted to say how blessed I am. I came alone the much younger of three kids and the only girl. Often, I played by myself. I was an aquard child, unaware of personal space. This made me the weird girl early on. Sure, in the beginning I fought it, but eventually embraced it. Even as an adult, I realize that my role out there is different. Because I was teased, I stand up for the picked on. Because I was often alone, I seek out the hidden hurting people. God made me tbis way on purpose. All I really asked him for was a home. Yes, God gave me that! Do you know who I tell all my secrets to? My husband is my best friend. We have friends, but truly are closer to each other than them. No perfection! He can't fix stuff and I can't clean. He gets explosively angry and I have serious issues with taking respondibility for my own actions. We work on it every day. Here's the thing I want you to see. Almost every day he is my favorite person. Almost every day we make each other laugh. THE DAYS WE STOP TRYING,STOP WORKING those are the bad days. I have had friends in very toxic relationships. That is dangerous and I would never encourage someone to stay the course in that situation or in any abusive situation. No, this is your run of the mill he forgot to take out the garbage again marriage. OR I left egg shells on the counter again. WHY? Because the little things add up. It's not about the stuff, it's the NOT talking. Be open. be honest, but don't forget to give them grace. Don't forget to consider your own part. I will be honest. It's hard. I get "home."
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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