Skip to main content

Just A Little Bit of Goodness

I wanted to say how blessed I am. I came alone the much younger of three kids and the only girl. Often, I played by myself. I was an aquard child, unaware of personal space. This made me the weird girl early on. Sure, in the beginning I fought it, but eventually embraced it. Even as an adult, I realize that my role out there is different. Because I was teased, I stand up for the picked on. Because I was often alone, I seek out the hidden hurting people. God made me tbis way on purpose. All I really asked him for was a home. Yes, God gave me that! Do you know who I tell all my secrets to? My husband is my best friend. We have friends, but truly are closer to each other than them. No perfection! He can't fix stuff and I can't clean. He gets explosively angry and I have serious issues with taking respondibility for my own actions. We work on it every day. Here's the thing I want you to see. Almost every day he is my favorite person. Almost every day we make each other laugh. THE DAYS WE STOP TRYING,STOP WORKING those are the bad days. I have had friends in very toxic relationships. That is dangerous and I would never encourage someone to stay the course in that situation or in any abusive situation. No, this is your run of the mill he forgot to take out the garbage again marriage. OR I left egg shells on the counter again. WHY? Because the little things add up. It's not about the stuff, it's the NOT talking. Be open. be honest, but don't forget to give them grace. Don't forget to consider your own part. I will be honest. It's hard. I get "home."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Kid Perspective

As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
3 comments
Read more

Up Again

Here I am awake again when I should be asleep. I am going to try to make it to bed before two tonight. I had an anxiety attach yesterday when my old psychiatrist office through a clerical error dropped me like a rock. I was supposed to have an appointment with a new doc all lined up, but first they lost the date in the computer and then they told me that the appointment should not have been made because the doctor was not willing to take on any more patients. The thing is I have been with that practice for three years now and they were supposed to refer me to another doctor not drop me and say call around and find someone else. Needless to say I did not handle it well. I like to plan ahead as much as possible. I had previously tried to find a new psych on my own and was having difficulty finding any. I had resigned myself to making due with the one there for the time being. I am going somewhere else now, but I am unsure how long the process will now take. I need new medication in a...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dark Place

I hate it when my mind insists on going there. The Dark place that is. You know the recesses of your mind where all the ugly stuff is hiding. I spent years of my early life stuffing the bad stuff away somewhere and pretending it wasn't there. It would peak out of the drawers and I would slam them shut again. Now my mind is this place where someone dumped out all the files and they are mixed up all over the floor. Sounds like fun doesn't it? I never know which file is going to get opened up next. I can't hide anything cause it's too mixed up. Today the files were opening up too many bad memories and I ask myself what on earth is going on. I am trying to be positive because with my tendency to exaggerate it isn't as bad as it seems. It is harder to do that when you get dumped a stack of stinky papers. I tried reading my Bible and praying, but it is hard to see the comfort when the guilt bus is parked out front. I have some work to do. Hopefully, next time I can be mor...
2 comments
Read more