I am having a bad day. The last few days I have been off. This is bipolar. I was up, up, up excited and forgot to take my pills for three days. By Saturday, I was weepy and axious. There isn't a something. I just feel bad. Tears are at the edge of my eyelids. I am stressed about the house, bills, and our non exsistant parent strategies. The old insecurities started piling in and I just can't. To want to diapear and appear at the same time is quite a conundrum. I think my hormones are going nutty too which may be a huge part if it. I prayed for a little hope and a song came on the radio about hope. I asked God to help me believe. He answered me very specifically, but I don't FEEL better. I just know I will.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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