I am having a bad day. The last few days I have been off. This is bipolar. I was up, up, up excited and forgot to take my pills for three days. By Saturday, I was weepy and axious. There isn't a something. I just feel bad. Tears are at the edge of my eyelids. I am stressed about the house, bills, and our non exsistant parent strategies. The old insecurities started piling in and I just can't. To want to diapear and appear at the same time is quite a conundrum. I think my hormones are going nutty too which may be a huge part if it. I prayed for a little hope and a song came on the radio about hope. I asked God to help me believe. He answered me very specifically, but I don't FEEL better. I just know I will.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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