Skip to main content

Just Fine

Have you ever been fine? You don't have an incurable disease. You aren't in unbearable pain. Therefore you are fine. Right? I am having one of my manic spells. For me that means my thoughts are racing extra fast and it's difficult to focus. I have trouble going to sleep. And as is with bipolar, the more sleep I looss the worse it gets. I think it's getting a little better which means get ready for the depression. Physically I am dealing with some chronic food allergies and skin allergies that are making things fun. Sometimes those little things matter yet people shake there head to say, "That's no big deal." Sometimes I need to people to care about the no big deals of my reality. It doesn't make anyone's BIG DEAL any less important. Still people I know lost a husband, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, or a friend. I am so sorry for their loss. The friends I lost most recently were to Cancer. Not CoVid. More and more people are surviving Covid yet Cancer still kills so many. I just needed a rant to calm my head down. I don't have anything inspirational to say.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Confessions

I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo

Shutting off the Pleasing

 I am trying to stop the people pleasing. Doing for others is wonderful when it’s healthy, but I now recognize there’s a line I shouldn’t cross. Problem is that I don’t always see the line. I asked for something today and yes, I felt guilty. Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty. Ug! This weekend I saw my limit come and go so I did walk away from some responsibilities I was unable to do. It felt good to be strong enough to do that and two days later I am a wimp again. Regardless, it’s on me to be honest not on my friends and family to guess. So trying and sometimes failing. I am thankful that God is still working. I realized that although it’s small, I have changed. All that to say, don’t give up on people too quickly. 

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days? You know when your so tired that you drop everything and go to bed without brushing your teeth or anything. I did. I was exhausted after going upstairs to act ridiculous. My family barely reacts anymore at my antics because they are so used to them, but this one did get quite a reaction. It turns out we have a Darth Vader Costume which I bought at a yard sale (a while ago for Jonathan) that fits me. I tried it on with my son's Darth Vader helmet and that was a site. John laughed and the boys just kept pointing and smiling at me. So that one was so worth it although it was like trying to breath inside a dusty plastic bowl. I was already sleepy when I did the costume thing. I hung the thing up, took one look and my bed and got in. I decided after about ten minutes to put on PJs. Then I closed my eyes and went to sleep. It couldn't have been more than 8:30. I had planned on going back downstairs so that lights were still on, and the beans I co