Have you ever been fine? You don't have an incurable disease. You aren't in
unbearable pain. Therefore you are fine. Right? I am having one of my manic
spells. For me that means my thoughts are racing extra fast and it's difficult
to focus. I have trouble going to sleep. And as is with bipolar, the more sleep
I looss the worse it gets. I think it's getting a little better which means get
ready for the depression. Physically I am dealing with some chronic food
allergies and skin allergies that are making things fun. Sometimes those little
things matter yet people shake there head to say, "That's no big deal."
Sometimes I need to people to care about the no big deals of my reality. It
doesn't make anyone's BIG DEAL any less important. Still people I know lost a
husband, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, or a friend. I am so sorry for
their loss. The friends I lost most recently were to Cancer. Not CoVid. More and
more people are surviving Covid yet Cancer still kills so many. I just needed a
rant to calm my head down. I don't have anything inspirational to say.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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