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Blown Up

 Had a difficult week with my IBS or whatever it is that makes it hard for me to eat many types of food and the ones I can eat don’t come through properly. I have been bloated and uncomfortable every day. The medicine isn’t working to relieve anything so I stopped taking it. Now I am experimenting with stool softener plus probiotics. I know gross. But just like mental health, people don’t want to hear about your digestive issues. I am getting discouraged. I have gained weight in the last few months and I am not eating that much. I actually skip way too many meals because if I am extremely full so to speak there just isn’t anymore room. I need a colonoscopy, but I am too young. Basically, I am not sick enough. I wonder if it’s the hormones from premenopause. Who know. I am a person that needs to talk it out to process. It’s hard to not be able to do that. I thought about the whole mental health thing too. Truth be told, I stink at relationships. I sabotage them, blow them up, ruin them, and miss judge them. I don’t know if it can get better. I hope I die first cause hubby is the only one who puts up with me. No that’s not a cry for help. I  fine. Just need my body to work again.

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