Had a difficult week with my IBS or whatever it is that makes it hard for me to eat many types of food and the ones I can eat don’t come through properly. I have been bloated and uncomfortable every day. The medicine isn’t working to relieve anything so I stopped taking it. Now I am experimenting with stool softener plus probiotics. I know gross. But just like mental health, people don’t want to hear about your digestive issues. I am getting discouraged. I have gained weight in the last few months and I am not eating that much. I actually skip way too many meals because if I am extremely full so to speak there just isn’t anymore room. I need a colonoscopy, but I am too young. Basically, I am not sick enough. I wonder if it’s the hormones from premenopause. Who know. I am a person that needs to talk it out to process. It’s hard to not be able to do that. I thought about the whole mental health thing too. Truth be told, I stink at relationships. I sabotage them, blow them up, ruin them, and miss judge them. I don’t know if it can get better. I hope I die first cause hubby is the only one who puts up with me. No that’s not a cry for help. I fine. Just need my body to work again.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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