Had a difficult week with my IBS or whatever it is that makes it hard for me to eat many types of food and the ones I can eat don’t come through properly. I have been bloated and uncomfortable every day. The medicine isn’t working to relieve anything so I stopped taking it. Now I am experimenting with stool softener plus probiotics. I know gross. But just like mental health, people don’t want to hear about your digestive issues. I am getting discouraged. I have gained weight in the last few months and I am not eating that much. I actually skip way too many meals because if I am extremely full so to speak there just isn’t anymore room. I need a colonoscopy, but I am too young. Basically, I am not sick enough. I wonder if it’s the hormones from premenopause. Who know. I am a person that needs to talk it out to process. It’s hard to not be able to do that. I thought about the whole mental health thing too. Truth be told, I stink at relationships. I sabotage them, blow them up, ruin them, and miss judge them. I don’t know if it can get better. I hope I die first cause hubby is the only one who puts up with me. No that’s not a cry for help. I fine. Just need my body to work again.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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