Anyone who knows me well, and let’s be honest that’s a very small group of people, knows I like attention. I mean it just goes along with that youngest child classification. I think age and experience have made me weary. I was sick this week. I had a severe asthma attack and it has taken four days to feel like I can walk without loosing my breath. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I realized with all the CoVid fear(I don’t have CoVid), that I just wasn’t worth the explanation. You can’t be just sick. I didn’t want my friends to declare me instantly well when it was clear my body needed the rest. I didn’t want speculation over what or who caused this. It was a cold and it’s going around. Now I have that ear pressure problem that makes it hard to stay upright, but hopefully that will pass quicker than the other did. I just excepted the stillness. Maybe that’s not always bad even if we don’t understand it. “Psalm 56:4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust, I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” David wrote this when he was running for his life from King Saul. He came to live with enemies of Israel for a time. He acted crazy to escape punishment and earn their trust and stayed in Gath for sometime. It doesn’t end so well being that God’s enemies will eventually want to attack David’s people. In it all, good and bad, David trusts God. It’s easy to see he makes a lot of mistakes. It’s his constant faith that brings him so much mercy from God. He has that same mercy for me; Every single day.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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