I feel like I am outside of myself watching life. That is how the depression stage feels right now anyway. Yes, the sun is shining and it will get better. Just that waiting for it to pass stage. Trying not to skip medicine. I tend to forget when I need it the most. Trying to do better. I actually look forward to going out. I just need motivation. So this is normal. I am hoping to take on more work in the future too so I have more to look forward to then .. this. I choose to be transparent on here. I might seem like a bunch of blah, blah, complaining to you reading this, but it’s me getting it if my head. People need to be allowed to do that. People need to be able to release the burden of their shoulders without dismissal and judgment. I AM okay. I know that. And I figured out that this time it’s mostly physiological not emotional. Meaning if I get the medicine stabilized and the food figured out, I WILL start to feel better. In the meantime, it’s okay to not be okay. Trying to just do what you do. Get up and go anyway. “He hath made everything beautiful in his time:”Ecclesiastes3:11
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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