I was reading Numbers eleven today. It’s easy to criticize the Israelites, but honestly are we much better? They were tired of eating the same thing every day. They were tired of walking in the dessert. It seemed like the difficulties were never ending. Can we relate? Dealing with the same thing again after weeks of this. Why? I want to kick and scream and complain. Why do I get to have this particular lesson? Here is where the choice comes. Do I curse God and hope for an end, or do I trust Him anyway. I can be honest; I am still not so happy about the way of things, but there will be no cursing. God always has a plan. Even when I can’t understand it.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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