True we are from dust and to dust we will return. I am just reflecting on our messed up life. That we keep people at arms length or more accurately they keep us. I have excepted my bipolar has that effect on people. If I am capable of saying things I wouldn’t normally say then I become this unsafe person. I still don’t understand the allusion of protecting my feelings. Maybe people still think mental illness makes you dumb. We are just lying here, hubby is joking about death because he’s sick, and I’m like… wait, if we did die who would notice. How many days would we just lie there? Haven’t slept well in three days so absolutely not coming from healthy place. Just saying. We might need to reconsider moving. Cause family might not LIKE the things we say and do that we shouldn’t, but they still love us. And that’s saying something.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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