I am doing the deep thinking asking when I was no longer good enough? When did I have to start changing to be acceptable enough to be loved. I think it started pretty early. I believed if the way I was naturally wasn’t enough. My hair wasn’t blond enough. My size wasn’t cute enough. Point. If I can figure out when this started maybe I can start to walk more freely in the body God gave me. I remember a friend telling me once that people dye their hair to be my natural color. I got tired of trying to change it. The source of the lie didn’t even intend that message. So I can stop repeating it. God knew me “before “ . He knows what He’s doing. I haven’t got any further yet so that’s all I have today.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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