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Showing posts from March, 2023

In the Hole

 A friend of mine recently talked about being in a hole and trying to dig his way out a little bit at a time. He said he wasn’t ready to come out of the hole yet because they still have some stuff to do. Today was one of those days when I felt the walls caving in and the dirt stacking up. I felt all those little things that I had been shoving to the side and ignoring falling down. I thought, even if I could accomplish one of those little things, the mound of all of them was just too much. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like you’ve given all you have and you’re still staring at a giant pile of junk? So I took the night off from trying to solve anything. Tomorrow I’ll get up and I’ll do what I need to do; one thing at a time. Maybe like my friend I’ll grab a little shovel and start digging out some dirt. It’s highly unlikely that all accomplish that much but maybe I’ll be ready to try. 

I Need a Minute

 I need a minute to unravel. Can I have a David moment to get out my feelings. I can’t figure out how to be well. I need new clothes because my stomach is swelling so often that my regular stuff is getting snug. Our car has been to the shop twice in two weeks and now it may be severely injured. I have been battling off and on depression for weeks. I am trying to trust God and stay thankful and positive. But if I am not aloud to say this happened and it made me feel defeated it makes it harder. Am I blind Bartimaous just broken from birth or am I getting tested? Punished? You see if I can talk it out, then I feel better. That keeps me healthy enough to avoid the hospital. But I wish I could talk about it. If that makes me a big baby and faithless heathen, then sorry. Just being honest. I pray for everyone else. Why can’t I pray for myself? Is it because I think my stuff isn’t worthy of God’s help? I guess something new to tell me therapist. I know God cares. I know He hears me. I gu...