I need a minute to unravel. Can I have a David moment to get out my feelings. I can’t figure out how to be well. I need new clothes because my stomach is swelling so often that my regular stuff is getting snug. Our car has been to the shop twice in two weeks and now it may be severely injured. I have been battling off and on depression for weeks. I am trying to trust God and stay thankful and positive. But if I am not aloud to say this happened and it made me feel defeated it makes it harder. Am I blind Bartimaous just broken from birth or am I getting tested? Punished? You see if I can talk it out, then I feel better. That keeps me healthy enough to avoid the hospital. But I wish I could talk about it. If that makes me a big baby and faithless heathen, then sorry. Just being honest. I pray for everyone else. Why can’t I pray for myself? Is it because I think my stuff isn’t worthy of God’s help? I guess something new to tell me therapist. I know God cares. I know He hears me. I guess I figure if my friends think I am over reacting this is no BIG deal. Then why would God care? So my prayer IS that I can just be in His wings awhile. I can’t do anything else right now.
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