I need a minute to unravel. Can I have a David moment to get out my feelings. I can’t figure out how to be well. I need new clothes because my stomach is swelling so often that my regular stuff is getting snug. Our car has been to the shop twice in two weeks and now it may be severely injured. I have been battling off and on depression for weeks. I am trying to trust God and stay thankful and positive. But if I am not aloud to say this happened and it made me feel defeated it makes it harder. Am I blind Bartimaous just broken from birth or am I getting tested? Punished? You see if I can talk it out, then I feel better. That keeps me healthy enough to avoid the hospital. But I wish I could talk about it. If that makes me a big baby and faithless heathen, then sorry. Just being honest. I pray for everyone else. Why can’t I pray for myself? Is it because I think my stuff isn’t worthy of God’s help? I guess something new to tell me therapist. I know God cares. I know He hears me. I guess I figure if my friends think I am over reacting this is no BIG deal. Then why would God care? So my prayer IS that I can just be in His wings awhile. I can’t do anything else right now.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
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