Skip to main content

I Need a Minute

 I need a minute to unravel. Can I have a David moment to get out my feelings. I can’t figure out how to be well. I need new clothes because my stomach is swelling so often that my regular stuff is getting snug. Our car has been to the shop twice in two weeks and now it may be severely injured. I have been battling off and on depression for weeks. I am trying to trust God and stay thankful and positive. But if I am not aloud to say this happened and it made me feel defeated it makes it harder. Am I blind Bartimaous just broken from birth or am I getting tested? Punished? You see if I can talk it out, then I feel better. That keeps me healthy enough to avoid the hospital. But I wish I could talk about it. If that makes me a big baby and faithless heathen, then sorry. Just being honest. I pray for everyone else. Why can’t I pray for myself? Is it because I think my stuff isn’t worthy of God’s help? I guess something new to tell me therapist. I know God cares. I know He hears me. I guess I figure if my friends think I am over reacting this is no BIG deal. Then why would God care? So my prayer IS that I can just be in His wings awhile. I can’t do anything else right now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ansomnia

Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
2 comments
Read more

Happy Light

 I’m haven’t used my “happy light” in a long time, but it seemed like a good idea today. The sky is grey and it’s been raining a few days. The light mimics sunlight to help treat seasonal effective disorder. Fancy title for I need more sun. Our world is a scary place right now. Besides the worldwide violence there is an increase in senseless crimes like school shootings and church shootings. Wildfires are destroying whole neighborhoods, and floods are still displacing people from their homes. We live in harsh times. I saw people who were in such a hurry to get through the grocery store that they couldn’t see anyone else. A world in desperate need of light. As I found myself crumbling today, I have to remind myself of the mission. “Let your light so shine before men…” Matthew 5:16. People think I am naive when I choose to dwell on positive things. I am aware of the ugly things going on around me. Some days you can feel it in the atmosphere. A heaviness flows that is contagious. I kn...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Pitter Patter of Tiny Feet

As an older parent whose children are no longer small, I enjoy loving others babies and toddlers. I do often wonder why I cannot impart any of the wisdom passed down to me by even more seasoned parents. I find the mothers are frazzled even exasted and any advise offered will only cause discouragement. It is sad though cause I really benefitted from those wise words. Like every Mom, I wanted to do the best for my children. I wanted them to learn right from wrong, I wanted them to understand their wrong was the very  sin that Jesus gave his life for, and lead them to the conclusion that this comes from so much love from Jesus and me. To love your children enough to hurt them for a moment, so that they will be safe for a long time is so important. To love them enough to have them dislike you for a while so that they will learn how to treat others for a lifetime is also vital. Yet sadly, I see more and more frazzled mothers who cannot understand that. You know I would have been that wa...
Post a Comment
Read more