A friend of mine recently talked about being in a hole and trying to dig his way out a little bit at a time. He said he wasn’t ready to come out of the hole yet because they still have some stuff to do. Today was one of those days when I felt the walls caving in and the dirt stacking up. I felt all those little things that I had been shoving to the side and ignoring falling down. I thought, even if I could accomplish one of those little things, the mound of all of them was just too much. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like you’ve given all you have and you’re still staring at a giant pile of junk? So I took the night off from trying to solve anything. Tomorrow I’ll get up and I’ll do what I need to do; one thing at a time. Maybe like my friend I’ll grab a little shovel and start digging out some dirt. It’s highly unlikely that all accomplish that much but maybe I’ll be ready to try.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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