Some people love summer. They can't wait to feel the bright sun all the time. I find it harder to sleep in the summer as it's so bright for so long. I also have quite a lot of trouble with the heat. If I don't remember to drink twice as much, I get dehydrated; but all that is routine for most people when it's over ninety degrees outsides. Truly my issue this last couple of weeks has been my constant head spinning. I think it probably is anxiety. I love caring for people, but I think I got wacked with some unexpected grief. I don't usually get upset or cry in the moment. I am in be calm and take care mode. That means sometimes all that stuffed down emotion has to bubble to the surface unexpectedly. It hit me the other day and I was just weeping uncontrollably. I feel fine now, but my head is still a fuzz. That only scares me because I don't want to loose my ability to think clearly and function. That IS something we all take for granted I might add. I truly believe God allowed me to loose it for a very short time, so that I would have understanding to help these people who loose it more permanently. They are still in there. They are aware of how you treat them. The mind is such a complex thing. Even the memory. That the part of your brain that stores memories is in a separate place as the part the stores music. If I loose it again, know that I am still in there somewhere. I needed to vent it out, I can't talk about it much with anyone, cause they dismiss me, don't take me seriously, or can't handle discussing it. I need to know I can talk it out without having to pay one hundred plus dollars an hour when it's needed.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
Comments
Post a Comment