Skip to main content

Summer Clouds

 Some people love summer. They can't wait to feel the bright sun all the time. I find it harder to sleep in the summer as it's so bright for so long. I also have quite a lot of trouble with the heat. If I don't remember to drink twice as much, I get dehydrated; but all that is routine for most people when it's over ninety degrees outsides. Truly my issue this last couple of weeks has been my constant head spinning. I think it probably is anxiety. I love caring for people, but I think I got wacked with some unexpected grief. I don't usually get upset or cry in the moment. I am in be calm and take care mode. That means sometimes all that stuffed down emotion has to bubble to the surface unexpectedly. It hit me the other day and I was just weeping uncontrollably. I feel fine now, but my head is still a fuzz. That only scares me because I don't want to loose my ability to think clearly and function. That IS something we all take for granted I might add. I truly believe God allowed me to loose it for a very short time, so that I would have understanding to help these people who loose it more permanently. They are still in there. They are aware of how you treat them. The mind is such a complex thing. Even the memory. That the part of your brain that stores memories is in a separate place as the part the stores music. If I loose it again, know that I am still in there somewhere. I needed to vent it out, I can't talk about it much with anyone, cause they dismiss me, don't take me seriously, or can't handle discussing it. I need to know I can talk it out without having to pay one hundred plus dollars an hour when it's needed.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Kid Perspective

As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
3 comments
Read more

The Dark Place

I hate it when my mind insists on going there. The Dark place that is. You know the recesses of your mind where all the ugly stuff is hiding. I spent years of my early life stuffing the bad stuff away somewhere and pretending it wasn't there. It would peak out of the drawers and I would slam them shut again. Now my mind is this place where someone dumped out all the files and they are mixed up all over the floor. Sounds like fun doesn't it? I never know which file is going to get opened up next. I can't hide anything cause it's too mixed up. Today the files were opening up too many bad memories and I ask myself what on earth is going on. I am trying to be positive because with my tendency to exaggerate it isn't as bad as it seems. It is harder to do that when you get dumped a stack of stinky papers. I tried reading my Bible and praying, but it is hard to see the comfort when the guilt bus is parked out front. I have some work to do. Hopefully, next time I can be mor...
2 comments
Read more