Sometimes when I am overwhelmed, the only thing that makes me feel better is to write. I have been feeling weary. That old word seems to fit best. I have cried with people mourning, and I have cried my own tears. Physically I am up and down as well. Not feeling great. Lots of headaches lately. I was at church and the thought came to me that nothing is ever going to change. And once again feeling pulled in two different directions, but not at home in either place. It definitely makes me ask why God. How am in this place again? I know He still has things for me to do. But lately I have been too weak to do anything. You see my assignment doesn’t come from a Pastor or person. My assignment comes from God. Right now that is unclear. Psalm 121 comes to mind,” I will lift up my eyes upon the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD…”.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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