Sometimes when I am overwhelmed, the only thing that makes me feel better is to write. I have been feeling weary. That old word seems to fit best. I have cried with people mourning, and I have cried my own tears. Physically I am up and down as well. Not feeling great. Lots of headaches lately. I was at church and the thought came to me that nothing is ever going to change. And once again feeling pulled in two different directions, but not at home in either place. It definitely makes me ask why God. How am in this place again? I know He still has things for me to do. But lately I have been too weak to do anything. You see my assignment doesn’t come from a Pastor or person. My assignment comes from God. Right now that is unclear. Psalm 121 comes to mind,” I will lift up my eyes upon the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD…”.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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