Skip to main content

Emptying the Load.

 Sometimes when I am overwhelmed, the only thing that makes me feel better is to write. I have been feeling weary. That old word seems to fit best. I have cried with people mourning, and I have cried my own tears. Physically I am up and down as well. Not feeling great. Lots of headaches lately. I was at church and the thought came to me that nothing is ever going to change. And once again feeling pulled in two different directions, but not at home in either place. It definitely makes me ask why God. How am in this place again? I know He still has things for me to do. But lately I have been too weak to do anything. You see my assignment doesn’t come from a Pastor or person. My assignment comes from God. Right now that is unclear. Psalm 121 comes to mind,” I will lift up my eyes upon the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD…”.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Threw Out the Moon

  My son made a paper mâché replica of the moon when he was younger. Being the consistent pack rat that I am it was still here in our living room. I am trying to clean everything up and believe or not, throw out the stuff we don’t need. Do you find it hard to throw away stuff you don’t need, remove things you shouldn’t have, or give up things you need to? It is different for everyone, but we can probably all relate to that in some small way. If you’re wondering how I got here you’d have to go way back. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends. It was my toys and me. My imagination gave them personalities. Could it be that I don’t need that stuff anymore? Could it be that I have real live people who are right here and worth much more! It won’t be easy, but I am willing to do the work. I will trash the unwanted books if I have to. I don’t expect people to understand, but maybe hold back the judgment. Cause like I said before, everyone struggles with something. Maybe it’s giving...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ansomnia

Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
2 comments
Read more