When you are carrying trauma, it can cause you to misjudge situations. It can also cause you to overreact out of fear or self preservation. When the storm is over, you’ve lost another friend. Now I am dealing with the trauma and keeping a safe distance from my friends. I can’t undo the past, but I can learn from it. Some days however, it feels like I am standing in a graveyard of my own making. I see myself all alone because I don’t know how to heal. If the story ended there, it would sound so hopeless. My God who made heaven and earth; sees me. He knows exactly who I am. He made me this way for a purpose. Psalm 139 “even there” there is no place I can go where God will abandon me. People will reject you, misunderstand you, and abandon you, but God never will. Paul had a few skeletons in his closet. He called himself the chief of sinners, yet Paul said “…forgetting those things that are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God.”Philippians 3:14-14
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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