When you are carrying trauma, it can cause you to misjudge situations. It can also cause you to overreact out of fear or self preservation. When the storm is over, you’ve lost another friend. Now I am dealing with the trauma and keeping a safe distance from my friends. I can’t undo the past, but I can learn from it. Some days however, it feels like I am standing in a graveyard of my own making. I see myself all alone because I don’t know how to heal. If the story ended there, it would sound so hopeless. My God who made heaven and earth; sees me. He knows exactly who I am. He made me this way for a purpose. Psalm 139 “even there” there is no place I can go where God will abandon me. People will reject you, misunderstand you, and abandon you, but God never will. Paul had a few skeletons in his closet. He called himself the chief of sinners, yet Paul said “…forgetting those things that are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God.”Philippians 3:14-14
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
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