I have been overwhelmed for a while now. I try not to be swept up into anxiety, but it creeps up on me. That leads to mania in my quest to avoid the anxiety which makes everything worse. I stay up too late and find myself staring into space fighting sleep. Eventually I start getting confused in the daytime. This has happened to me over and over so it’s nothing new. This time I truly had trouble seeing the sign in the dark and drove the wrong direction, but didn’t recognize it was wrong until I drove a couple exits. Sometimes I will be driving along and forget where I am going. It’s like my mind is tired of working. I do believe this has helped me understand dementia not just have compassion for it. When your mind just goes blank , and there’s nothing there. Yes, I know what that feels like. I know I talk to much when I am manic. It’s like being outside your own body and watching the car crash, but not being able to stop it. I am okay. Just tired and stressed. Too much , too much, huge stuff all at once. My brain has decided to protest. I still believe God made me this way on purpose! I have greater compassion, and creativity because of it. I just wish I could trust people would try a little harder to understand. Hebrews 4. Got to remember Jesus does.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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