Sometimes those old anxieties come back to visit . You find yourself standing there thinking, “Haven’t I already done this?” I saw something that sparked some bad memories and the spiral kept going from there. It’s frustrating to be in a good place for awhile to find yourself being pulled to a bad place once again. I don’t want to replay those unhealthy dialogues again. The truth is that I can’t change the past. It’s also true that what was then might not even be so bad if I had the whole picture. My side isn’t the whole story. I know it’s almost always better than I think it is. I am too tired to waste any more energy being anxious. This is me needing to vent and knowing I can’t actually talk about this. People don’t understand that talking it out really does help me remove the unhealthy thoughts. There’s a verse in Deuteronomy 33:27 I have been thinking on this week. There’s a hymn with it too, but I can only remember the chorus. “The eternal God is our refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms, the everlasting arms.” Sometimes when life is hard, we can take refuge in God’s arms.
I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo...
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