Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 I have come to believe that I don’t have thick skin for a reason. I am a Caregiver at heart. I am thankful though that I finally have a few people in my life that are willing to love me through my imperfections. There are some people who maybe haven’t forgiven me because they are still holding onto their own past. I don’t want to do that anymore. That means I have to forgive myself too. So for that person who still can’t forgive me, I am sorry I hurt you. Period. I didn’t know then what I was doing wrong, but I do now. You can get in line with the other people who won’t forgive me. That one over there, hurt me by cutting me out of her life. I didn’t react well. And now we are cut out of each other’s lives. That other one didn’t understand me, and also cut me out. I didn’t actually do anything to her other than be my big present self. Again, learning from it. That one over there… I judged her believing I knew better. You see why I call it a graveyard and it really stings sometimes....

 Sometimes when my brain is going too fast, I am full of so many words. I desperately need to get them out so that I can think straight. Unfortunately, there’s no way I can explode all on anyone. That means the brain keeps spinning. At least with the writing, I have a way to unload some of it. Thinking about the future is pretty terrifying. It’s not so much the getting old thing, but rather “Now what?” I have been doing a read Bible in a year app and truly it’s getting to me. I know the Bible, but reading so much at once with no time to process isn’t going well. But I have never read it all together so it’s happening. A lot of things are overwhelming right now, and I feel like a failure daily. It still bugs me that you can’t say, I am in a lot of pain today because of my diverticulitis. So I put a smile on my face and just went. Truly did my best, but somehow that wasn’t good enough. How should I handle other people’s unrealistic expectations? I see God’s harsh seriousness in the O...