Sometimes when my brain is going too fast, I am full of so many words. I desperately need to get them out so that I can think straight. Unfortunately, there’s no way I can explode all on anyone. That means the brain keeps spinning. At least with the writing, I have a way to unload some of it. Thinking about the future is pretty terrifying. It’s not so much the getting old thing, but rather “Now what?” I have been doing a read Bible in a year app and truly it’s getting to me. I know the Bible, but reading so much at once with no time to process isn’t going well. But I have never read it all together so it’s happening. A lot of things are overwhelming right now, and I feel like a failure daily. It still bugs me that you can’t say, I am in a lot of pain today because of my diverticulitis. So I put a smile on my face and just went. Truly did my best, but somehow that wasn’t good enough. How should I handle other people’s unrealistic expectations? I see God’s harsh seriousness in the Old Testament, but even with it, you can see His merciful side. “His mercy endureth forever,” is written over and over in Scripture. I was looking for the place where it says He will have mercy on who He will have mercy, but I haven’t found it yet. At least with God’s expectations we know what He wants, and He offers to help us do it. Enough with everyone else. I’m tired. Thought dump over.
As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
Comments
Post a Comment