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Thicker Skin?

 I have come to believe that I don’t have thick skin for a reason. I am a Caregiver at heart. I am thankful though that I finally have a few people in my life that are willing to love me through my imperfections. There are some people who maybe haven’t forgiven me because they are still holding onto their own past. I don’t want to do that anymore. That means I have to forgive myself too. So for that person who still can’t forgive me, I am sorry I hurt you. Period. I didn’t know then what I was doing wrong, but I do now. You can get in line with the other people who won’t forgive me. That one over there, hurt me by cutting me out of her life. I didn’t react well. And now we are cut out of each other’s lives. That other one didn’t understand me, and also cut me out. I didn’t actually do anything to her other than be my big present self. Again, learning from it. That one over there… I judged her believing I knew better. You see why I call it a graveyard and it really stings sometimes. I truly wonder how God will do anything with me. I felt the cold annoyance yesterday as I was forced to face one of my people (on this list) and it broke me. Not because of that one silly interaction, but because of all of it. Didn’t Jesus take all my sin already? He forgave me everything. I can’t keep punishing myself if I am going to keep living in today. I believe God has used every mistake to help me change for the better. Maybe I have to be the change in her life. It’s possible if she lets it. But also NOT the point. I can’t change anyone. Just trying to figure out if I am strong enough to walk back in there and be judged all over again. Sometimes hiding is way easier.

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