Skip to main content

When my Symptoms Collide

 I have been dealing with a lot of changes over a short period of time. I lost a client of three years and then one after a year. My new client is emotionally unstable to give no details away, and I am not sure that is something I can handle. As strong as I try to be, my anxiety has gone from small to large in a very short period of time. My friends don't really know anything. I am so bad at telling people I am struggling. They often really don't understand. At times like this, I miss my friends who DO get it. Unfortunately, every time I have a friend who understands it is because they struggle too. After a while we aren't in each other's lives anymore. As much as we want to support each other, we just can't. My regular friends don't understand and I don't want to get accused of complaining so I am afraid to share. To say the thought of going away with you is causing me severe anxiety. I had a panic attack the other night because in the past you lost patience with me. At home I could find a safe place to regroup and calm down. There I won't have that option. My mind has been foggy the last couple of weeks and I am pretty sure it's because of that anxiety. I am having trouble remembering things, focusing, and thinking clearly. That happens sometimes and it is a normal part of bipolar. It usually passes. But it would be really great if I was aloud to talk about it without being dismissed. I want to trust God. I want to be well. I am writing this because it will release it from me. Hopefully, this will help give me the words I need to communicate to my non mentally ill friends. One of my favorite verses for times like this is Psalm 94:19, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." If you're reading this, I  feel better already. Get the words out of your head and then there's nothing to spin up there. I know God is in control and will give me peace. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shutting off the Pleasing

 I am trying to stop the people pleasing. Doing for others is wonderful when it’s healthy, but I now recognize there’s a line I shouldn’t cross. Problem is that I don’t always see the line. I asked for something today and yes, I felt guilty. Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty. Ug! This weekend I saw my limit come and go so I did walk away from some responsibilities I was unable to do. It felt good to be strong enough to do that and two days later I am a wimp again. Regardless, it’s on me to be honest not on my friends and family to guess. So trying and sometimes failing. I am thankful that God is still working. I realized that although it’s small, I have changed. All that to say, don’t give up on people too quickly. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Confessions

I am starting my own blog to reduce my boredom and give me a place to put my thoughts. Recently some people I know put some very difficult words out for all the world to see. I have been chicken to do the same and now I want to set the record straight. I didn't talk to people from high school for over ten years. It seems so silly now. I found out recently that I'm not the only one who grew up in college and beyond. We aren't kids anymore so the past is just that the past. I'll admit some of it I don't want to remember, but we did have some fun times in high school. The truth is something happened to me that I was not at all ready to talk about so I just avoided people. I got married in 1998 to a really great guy I met in college. We were giddy and in love. We decided after nine months of bliss to have a baby. Why not? I was bored and we wanted one. That sounds terrible to say that, but it is true. Boom one month later I was expecting. Three months later Jo
3 comments
Read more

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days? You know when your so tired that you drop everything and go to bed without brushing your teeth or anything. I did. I was exhausted after going upstairs to act ridiculous. My family barely reacts anymore at my antics because they are so used to them, but this one did get quite a reaction. It turns out we have a Darth Vader Costume which I bought at a yard sale (a while ago for Jonathan) that fits me. I tried it on with my son's Darth Vader helmet and that was a site. John laughed and the boys just kept pointing and smiling at me. So that one was so worth it although it was like trying to breath inside a dusty plastic bowl. I was already sleepy when I did the costume thing. I hung the thing up, took one look and my bed and got in. I decided after about ten minutes to put on PJs. Then I closed my eyes and went to sleep. It couldn't have been more than 8:30. I had planned on going back downstairs so that lights were still on, and the beans I co
2 comments
Read more