I have been dealing with a lot of changes over a short period of time. I lost a client of three years and then one after a year. My new client is emotionally unstable to give no details away, and I am not sure that is something I can handle. As strong as I try to be, my anxiety has gone from small to large in a very short period of time. My friends don't really know anything. I am so bad at telling people I am struggling. They often really don't understand. At times like this, I miss my friends who DO get it. Unfortunately, every time I have a friend who understands it is because they struggle too. After a while we aren't in each other's lives anymore. As much as we want to support each other, we just can't. My regular friends don't understand and I don't want to get accused of complaining so I am afraid to share. To say the thought of going away with you is causing me severe anxiety. I had a panic attack the other night because in the past you lost patience with me. At home I could find a safe place to regroup and calm down. There I won't have that option. My mind has been foggy the last couple of weeks and I am pretty sure it's because of that anxiety. I am having trouble remembering things, focusing, and thinking clearly. That happens sometimes and it is a normal part of bipolar. It usually passes. But it would be really great if I was aloud to talk about it without being dismissed. I want to trust God. I want to be well. I am writing this because it will release it from me. Hopefully, this will help give me the words I need to communicate to my non mentally ill friends. One of my favorite verses for times like this is Psalm 94:19, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." If you're reading this, I feel better already. Get the words out of your head and then there's nothing to spin up there. I know God is in control and will give me peace.
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