Skip to main content

When my Symptoms Collide

 I have been dealing with a lot of changes over a short period of time. I lost a client of three years and then one after a year. My new client is emotionally unstable to give no details away, and I am not sure that is something I can handle. As strong as I try to be, my anxiety has gone from small to large in a very short period of time. My friends don't really know anything. I am so bad at telling people I am struggling. They often really don't understand. At times like this, I miss my friends who DO get it. Unfortunately, every time I have a friend who understands it is because they struggle too. After a while we aren't in each other's lives anymore. As much as we want to support each other, we just can't. My regular friends don't understand and I don't want to get accused of complaining so I am afraid to share. To say the thought of going away with you is causing me severe anxiety. I had a panic attack the other night because in the past you lost patience with me. At home I could find a safe place to regroup and calm down. There I won't have that option. My mind has been foggy the last couple of weeks and I am pretty sure it's because of that anxiety. I am having trouble remembering things, focusing, and thinking clearly. That happens sometimes and it is a normal part of bipolar. It usually passes. But it would be really great if I was aloud to talk about it without being dismissed. I want to trust God. I want to be well. I am writing this because it will release it from me. Hopefully, this will help give me the words I need to communicate to my non mentally ill friends. One of my favorite verses for times like this is Psalm 94:19, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." If you're reading this, I  feel better already. Get the words out of your head and then there's nothing to spin up there. I know God is in control and will give me peace. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Little Shower

 I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Threw Out the Moon

  My son made a paper mâché replica of the moon when he was younger. Being the consistent pack rat that I am it was still here in our living room. I am trying to clean everything up and believe or not, throw out the stuff we don’t need. Do you find it hard to throw away stuff you don’t need, remove things you shouldn’t have, or give up things you need to? It is different for everyone, but we can probably all relate to that in some small way. If you’re wondering how I got here you’d have to go way back. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends. It was my toys and me. My imagination gave them personalities. Could it be that I don’t need that stuff anymore? Could it be that I have real live people who are right here and worth much more! It won’t be easy, but I am willing to do the work. I will trash the unwanted books if I have to. I don’t expect people to understand, but maybe hold back the judgment. Cause like I said before, everyone struggles with something. Maybe it’s giving...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Pitter Patter of Tiny Feet

As an older parent whose children are no longer small, I enjoy loving others babies and toddlers. I do often wonder why I cannot impart any of the wisdom passed down to me by even more seasoned parents. I find the mothers are frazzled even exasted and any advise offered will only cause discouragement. It is sad though cause I really benefitted from those wise words. Like every Mom, I wanted to do the best for my children. I wanted them to learn right from wrong, I wanted them to understand their wrong was the very  sin that Jesus gave his life for, and lead them to the conclusion that this comes from so much love from Jesus and me. To love your children enough to hurt them for a moment, so that they will be safe for a long time is so important. To love them enough to have them dislike you for a while so that they will learn how to treat others for a lifetime is also vital. Yet sadly, I see more and more frazzled mothers who cannot understand that. You know I would have been that wa...
Post a Comment
Read more