Skip to main content

When my Symptoms Collide

 I have been dealing with a lot of changes over a short period of time. I lost a client of three years and then one after a year. My new client is emotionally unstable to give no details away, and I am not sure that is something I can handle. As strong as I try to be, my anxiety has gone from small to large in a very short period of time. My friends don't really know anything. I am so bad at telling people I am struggling. They often really don't understand. At times like this, I miss my friends who DO get it. Unfortunately, every time I have a friend who understands it is because they struggle too. After a while we aren't in each other's lives anymore. As much as we want to support each other, we just can't. My regular friends don't understand and I don't want to get accused of complaining so I am afraid to share. To say the thought of going away with you is causing me severe anxiety. I had a panic attack the other night because in the past you lost patience with me. At home I could find a safe place to regroup and calm down. There I won't have that option. My mind has been foggy the last couple of weeks and I am pretty sure it's because of that anxiety. I am having trouble remembering things, focusing, and thinking clearly. That happens sometimes and it is a normal part of bipolar. It usually passes. But it would be really great if I was aloud to talk about it without being dismissed. I want to trust God. I want to be well. I am writing this because it will release it from me. Hopefully, this will help give me the words I need to communicate to my non mentally ill friends. One of my favorite verses for times like this is Psalm 94:19, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." If you're reading this, I  feel better already. Get the words out of your head and then there's nothing to spin up there. I know God is in control and will give me peace. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time to Get Healthy

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Kid Perspective

As a kid I watched my parents fight about different things. I don't really have any other parents to compare them to so I can't really say whether they were normal fights couples have or not. I couldn't even say what most of them were about except the ones that were about me. We only ate as a family on holidays. My father came home late so we kids ate without him. I do remember spending time with him in the evening before I went to bed so it couldn't have been that late. My own husband gets home a little later because of his job commute so we eat late every night. But home schooling has given us the ability to be more flexible than my Mom was able to be. We had school early the next day. As I got older, I remember my Father being home less and less and the fights seemed to intensify. I remember one night when I was thirteen. I could hear them yelling through the wall. My mom found me crying and I told her I didn't want them to get a divorce. She told me...
3 comments
Read more

The Dark Place

I hate it when my mind insists on going there. The Dark place that is. You know the recesses of your mind where all the ugly stuff is hiding. I spent years of my early life stuffing the bad stuff away somewhere and pretending it wasn't there. It would peak out of the drawers and I would slam them shut again. Now my mind is this place where someone dumped out all the files and they are mixed up all over the floor. Sounds like fun doesn't it? I never know which file is going to get opened up next. I can't hide anything cause it's too mixed up. Today the files were opening up too many bad memories and I ask myself what on earth is going on. I am trying to be positive because with my tendency to exaggerate it isn't as bad as it seems. It is harder to do that when you get dumped a stack of stinky papers. I tried reading my Bible and praying, but it is hard to see the comfort when the guilt bus is parked out front. I have some work to do. Hopefully, next time I can be mor...
2 comments
Read more