I feel the need to vent some feelings. I haven’t seen my therapist in months because she’s taken a leave of absence. My mind is overwhelmed and I really want to dig a whole and jump in. The election is a dumpster fire. I have no respect for any of the people I have to choose from to vote. It’s all a game to them, but this is our life. Disaster devastation is ongoing from hurricane Helene at the moment. War overseas is ongoing. People are fighting for the right to live outside the boxes of God’s design. It really is the beginning of end. Yet I wake up feeling dread and struggling to get up. I feel broken in ways that can’t be fixed. I know God hasn’t left me, but the more anxious I become the further away He feels. Psalm121 comes to mind,” I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD which made heaven and earth.”( Psalm 121:1-2) I am off to look to the hills. Hopefully tomorrow I can think differently.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
Comments
Post a Comment