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No One Will Hear Me

 It’s been another rough month. I keep getting blockages in my colon which cause my stomach to swell up and then my clothes barely fit. Ate a bunch of fruits and veggies last week, but that didn’t stop the symptoms from coming.  I feel trapped in a broken body, and I truly don’t know the solution. I have tried many things. I am praying and I have been prayed over. I guess there’s a reason I don’t understand. Sometimes a little suffering helps me understand others better. The hardest part isn’t the embarrassing stomach, but not being able to talk about it. Because it sounds too complainie. But I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about anything right now. You could remind me that it’s probably my fault because I exploded toxicity all over the place. That may be true. I am trying so hard NOT to do that, but to be honest and authenticly myself and see everyone else’s needs first. That’s a lot. I do one and there’s no room for the other. I want to pay attention to everyone else. And honestly I don’t want to share myself with people who feel so distant. That leaves me with no one. Welcome to mental illness. Not a fun ride most of the time. People are often afraid of me. Makes me feel pretty awful. 😢 I just need to write it out so that it isn’t a thought swirling around in my head. I know God love me. I know God gave me a purpose. God is using me even now to bless people suffering so much more than I ever do. So to God be the glory. Whatever happens I take no thought for tomorrow because tomorrow will care for itself. (Luke 6). If you see this know that YOU matter to God who made you. He promised to never leave me. 

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