It can be extremely frustrating to have legitimate challenges of mental health that “regular “ people either don’t understand or refuse to acknowledge. If I know you have diabetes, I am not going to give you a pound of sugar for Christmas. I know I can’t function well without sleep. It can cause a whole list of out of character things for me as well as put me at risk for mania. I am now seeing this may also mean taking my tiny list of friends and making it even smaller. I want to be healthy so I have to surround myself with people who support that. I can’t waist anymore time trying to prove it’s really a thing. It’s sad and I wish it wasn’t so hard. From a spiritual aspect, if there’s any little trace of unforgiveness in my heart towards someone, it will come bouncing out the minute I am overtired. The truth is that we are all works in progress, but maybe we all need to give each other more grace. I haven’t found my people yet. I still trust God has a purpose.
I feel not so much a storm as a little shower of emotional rain. My mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and trying not to go batty trying to sort them through on my own. Then I start feeling isolated as I have no one to talk to. I have therapy next week so I will talk then for sure. It’s not even anything bad; it’s just so full I am thinking out loud. That never bothered me before, but now I am feeling unsteady. I have talked to myself my whole life. I am certainly not going to stop now, but it feels like a gateway to the enemy deceiving me all over again. He can disguise his voice to sound like anyone else. So if my thoughts are out loud, I’m Vulnerable. I miss my friends. I have a few here and there . I miss lighthearted fun. I am just waiting for God to pull the curtain on this season and to start to feel more like myself again. I’m not asking God for anything He doesn’t want me to have, I just need to get through this little shower. I know God still has things for me to d...
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