What Does 50 Mean to Me?

 Here’s the thing, I don’t look my age. I don’t always act my age either. I see no reason to fear a number. How long I live isn’t tied to my age. No, how long I live is decided by God himself. True if I live it up with too much unhealthy choices I probably won’t see years much past eighty. I have no promise of long life. I do feel older. You just wake up and suddenly things are harder. Like spraining your ankle because you can’t feel your foot. Some days are easier than others. I used to walk and walk and now I have to stop way sooner. I guess people are a little nicer now that they think I am struggling. Truly I am fine. It just becomes normal. Just keep going. The hard part for me is the same as ever. I feel like a fly on the wall that people would rather squish than listen to. I understand I am different. I will always be a little different. I stopped fighting that a while ago. But sometimes I wouldn’t mind being almost done instead of halfway through. This world is ugly and life is hard. Philippians 1:6”…he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”  I may not feel able all the time. I may not feel accepted. But thankfully how I feel doesn’t matter. I am going to do what I was called to do and the rest isn’t up to me. It reminds me of pregnancy. I heard women talk about how wonderful it was. I felt sick for nine months. My post partom symptoms being so severe I couldn’t take care of my baby. God was good through all that, but it wasn’t easy. Life just isn’t easy. That doesn’t mean we aren’t doing what’s right. It likely means the opposite. When we’re about to do something great for God then expect things are going to get harder. More aches and pain, more confrontations, and more obstacles. James tell it to count all joy. Keep going. Don’t give up. Something big is coming.