Do you ever wonder why tears fall at the strangest times? Just sitting watching tv and the tears start. Driving in the car and the tears start. I take care of people watching them get weaker, sicker, and die. I push down all the emotions. Can’t get emotional at church. Can’t get emotional in front of my friends. So that little trickle of pain just squeezes out when I’m not wanting it to. And then I remember other people I’ve lost along the way the closest and dearest I never forget so I might have to take some time to morn another loss. I might have to take a few moments to acknowledge that it hurts. I pour my whole heart into these people. When they’re gone, it hurts. Then I start all over again with someone new and press the repeat button. This job is not for the faint of heart and it’s OK to be sad. I’m happy for this person to have no more pain and no more suffering. I am sad for their family. Loosing someone far too soon.
Up in the wee hours of the morning, is yet another perk of being bipolar. Yes, that's sarcasm because unlike some, I don't like being like this. I started getting a little more hyper than usual and now I can't sleep. I slept for an hour or two when hubby woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after. So I wasn't worried about anything, but I was wide awake. Even though I now feel tired, I still don't feel sleepy. It is hard to explain. Well I already took some calm down medicine and that didn't work so I am getting ready to take more. I use it only when I have to, but considering I need to function in a few hours I WILL consider this one of those times. I was excited about started school and I guess maybe I am going through an up cycle. That sort of makes sense since I had a down cycle in the beginning of the summer. I am glad that the cycles are much shorter than they used to be. I remember being tired and having little energy or ambition to do anyt...
Comments
Post a Comment