Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 As of today I have been home a little over a week. I am still a little sluggish from the medication, but I am thinking more clearly. There are some things that I can’t decide if they are dream or reality. God will have to show me in time. In the meantime, I can wrap myself in His  truth. Blessings, I received the sweetest cards from a few unexpected places. I shopped for groceries all by myself. We got a new dishwasher. If I don’t celebrate the little things, I won’t notice the bigger ones. That my gut is getting better although it still has its moments. All that to say, I choose joy. I am finding that I have to choose the fruits of the spirt over my own selfish way of looking at life. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” ‭...

 As of today, I am getting better a little bit at a time. Like the drip, drip of a faucet I get just a little better every day. Concentration still causes physical pain. My brain is tired and that’s all there is to it.  The medicine I’m on for that makes me sleep. Hopefully eventually I’ll have enough sleep. I feel like I am watching other people’s lives while I sit on the couch eating popcorn. I know God is still on the throne as someone I used to go to would say.  Nothing takes Him by surprise. God wants me to sit in quiet with Him.  I took for granted the quiet until it was gone. We all need quiet time with the Father. Sit on a rock. Enjoy the peace. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us not to anxious, but to give our concerns over to God. Then in verse seven He gives us peace.

 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭6‬ ‭KJV‬‬ This verse has been coming to mind daily for several weeks now. I had no idea why. I thought to myself , “Why God? Am I not humble?” I wasn’t prepared for the answer. You see I just spent nine days in a psychiatric facility. It doesn’t get much lower. I tried to read the Bible, but my eyes couldn’t focus on the words. I read the same passage over and over. Sometimes we are just broken at the feet of Jesus.  I was still me. A little all over the place that first day after several days of little sleep. God never left me. I generally keep this part of my life  hush, hush but I was there to give God glory. Once again, I can give Him all the glory. Without God, I would have stopped fighting to be well. Without God, I would have suffered alone. I wasn’t afraid to go, but definitely dreaded it. A mentally ill person is the same person with extra emotions due ...

 This last few weeks I had my first manic episode in twenty five years. I won’t get into the details right now as I have to concentrate on getting better. I will say that God protected me each step of the way. Sometimes He speaks in a quiet voice; sometimes, He sends a messenger. How ever God chooses to speak, it’s best to just trust Him. Once again I lost all my freedom. But God! God gave me opportunities to encourage other people and even give the gospel. He can do such amazing things. Just trust in the Lord. 

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...

 Here’s the thing, I don’t look my age. I don’t always act my age either. I see no reason to fear a number. How long I live isn’t tied to my age. No, how long I live is decided by God himself. True if I live it up with too much unhealthy choices I probably won’t see years much past eighty. I have no promise of long life. I do feel older. You just wake up and suddenly things are harder. Like spraining your ankle because you can’t feel your foot. Some days are easier than others. I used to walk and walk and now I have to stop way sooner. I guess people are a little nicer now that they think I am struggling. Truly I am fine. It just becomes normal. Just keep going. The hard part for me is the same as ever. I feel like a fly on the wall that people would rather squish than listen to. I understand I am different. I will always be a little different. I stopped fighting that a while ago. But sometimes I wouldn’t mind being almost done instead of halfway through. This world is ugly and lif...