Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 I’m sure you’ve heard that God has a sense of humor. I was hurting over a situation I am going to leave unwritten at the moment. I felt all the old hurts so fresh all at once. That’s how it goes sometimes. Anyway. I was crying out to God saying please don’t ask me to do this again. He sent an unexpected phone call. And just the fact that a person who never calls me would call me at that moment. That’s God saying I will help you in ways you don’t expect. Because that is how he works. I got through today. Tomorrow can take care of itself. That’s all I have for now.

 A stranger told me recently that I don’t value myself. She was some kind of natural doctor. Fact is she wasn’t too far off the mark. I am into a second week with diverticulitis flair up. I passed out in the middle of the night. This morning I feel tired and sore. I am thankful I didn’t injure myself just laid down on the floor. I went to church this morning to do my children’s church duties, but no kids today so I went home. I decided that I should rest while I can. Yes, I will be fine, but at my age I just don’t bounce back as quickly as I used to. Not to mention going out in public when I am all bloated is anything, but fun. Okay , I complained. On the plus side, got my favorite flavor of Gatorade here. Going to try to relax. Yesterday, I had Bible study with friends and it was great. When you feel free to share with each other God’s truth and truly encourage each other in the Lord…. That should be church. For me I guess it is. This other thing is just a place I go to do a thing. 

 Have you ever had one of those days when you’re dragging emotionally and physically like a little dog dragging his tail. Sometimes we loose our wag. The weight of our current situation can make our steps heavy. I know all about the spiritual aspects applied to grief and what the Bible calls infirmaries. I realize we’re supposed to cast our cares on Jesus and I realize we can bring all our needs to him whether their physical or otherwise. But that’s the thing that has me stumped. Why can’t we bring them then? Why are there people who think if you say something out loud, that somehow, that word of whatever sickness will somehow be so powerful that you will then not be healed by Almighty God. I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with that; if God’s powerful enough to heal anyone at any time, then our mentioning what we think it is won’t stop that from happening. Telling someone that it’s all in their mind just rubbed me the wrong way. Number one, I know what it’s like to have your mind be truly

 I have been dealing with a lot of changes over a short period of time. I lost a client of three years and then one after a year. My new client is emotionally unstable to give no details away, and I am not sure that is something I can handle. As strong as I try to be, my anxiety has gone from small to large in a very short period of time. My friends don't really know anything. I am so bad at telling people I am struggling. They often really don't understand. At times like this, I miss my friends who DO get it. Unfortunately, every time I have a friend who understands it is because they struggle too. After a while we aren't in each other's lives anymore. As much as we want to support each other, we just can't. My regular friends don't understand and I don't want to get accused of complaining so I am afraid to share. To say the thought of going away with you is causing me severe anxiety. I had a panic attack the other night because in the past you lost patien

 I have come to believe that I don’t have thick skin for a reason. I am a Caregiver at heart. I am thankful though that I finally have a few people in my life that are willing to love me through my imperfections. There are some people who maybe haven’t forgiven me because they are still holding onto their own past. I don’t want to do that anymore. That means I have to forgive myself too. So for that person who still can’t forgive me, I am sorry I hurt you. Period. I didn’t know then what I was doing wrong, but I do now. You can get in line with the other people who won’t forgive me. That one over there, hurt me by cutting me out of her life. I didn’t react well. And now we are cut out of each other’s lives. That other one didn’t understand me, and also cut me out. I didn’t actually do anything to her other than be my big present self. Again, learning from it. That one over there… I judged her believing I knew better. You see why I call it a graveyard and it really stings sometimes. I t

 Sometimes when my brain is going too fast, I am full of so many words. I desperately need to get them out so that I can think straight. Unfortunately, there’s no way I can explode all on anyone. That means the brain keeps spinning. At least with the writing, I have a way to unload some of it. Thinking about the future is pretty terrifying. It’s not so much the getting old thing, but rather “Now what?” I have been doing a read Bible in a year app and truly it’s getting to me. I know the Bible, but reading so much at once with no time to process isn’t going well. But I have never read it all together so it’s happening. A lot of things are overwhelming right now, and I feel like a failure daily. It still bugs me that you can’t say, I am in a lot of pain today because of my diverticulitis. So I put a smile on my face and just went. Truly did my best, but somehow that wasn’t good enough. How should I handle other people’s unrealistic expectations? I see God’s harsh seriousness in the Old T