Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 I have been in a loop of almost enough sleep for a couple of weeks now. I had already started to get a little fuzzy and confused. I finally had time off to sleep in and still woke up too early. This time I went back to sleep the times determined to get enough sleep to restore my brain. I got it. I guess my breathing wasn’t great during the night probably why I woke up so much. Anyway, hopefully now I can think straight to do what I need to do. Sometimes, I got to turn off everything and just rest. That isn’t laziness. It’s necessary. I have been teaching on Elijah this last month. The last lesson was on I Kings 19. Elijah is told by the angel of the Lord to ‘rest for the journey is too great for you.’  It is one of my favorite passages because it shows God’s tender loving care for his servant in weakness. Humans all have weaknesses and limitations, but God has no limits. When we cannot take another step, He takes care of us. Whether it means us needing to sleep or us needing ...

  I started this blog to have a place to talk about mental illness and being a Christian. I still have bipolar disorder. I am very stable ninety-nine percent of the time. Dealing with racing thoughts and anxiety currently. I had reduced my lithium dose a little back in November and now I am getting back to my prior dosage. All to get to why I am writing. Why do Christians think mental health is a spiritual illness. It’s not. The brain isn’t functioning correctly and that imbalance is causing my symptoms. The Spiritual can definitely impact us especially when we are symptomatic. However, it’s like aggravating an already damaged area. Meaning the devil most certainly takes advantage of weakness to attack me when I am unwell. Even after sending him on his way, I still have to deal with the daily struggle of my actual illness until everything calms down again. Then deal with Christians who want to pray away my brain functions. God made me this way! Unless and until He chooses to change...

 Honestly, I just need to vent for a second. My hubby and I both work and we are not poor. Unfortunately, though with chronic conditions we have to see specialist doctors every 4-6 months. One appointment to mine is about $84 dollars if they haven’t raised it. My primary charges $115-150. Labs have to be done every six months. They usually cost about $150, but this last time they added separate charges for each test and it was $550. My insurance covered $51 of that bill. Still paying on an ER visit last January when had trouble breathing and they gave me a breathing treatment. That was around $5,000. I have paid almost half down. Good old Wellspan sends these unpleasant reminders even though I am making regular payments. I learned the hard way years ago. Legally if you pay something, they can’t report you to collections, but if you miss a payment they will immediately pounce. Anyway, bottom line is we have enough bills that paying them right away just wasn’t doable. The more free h...

Well, I was all set to be obnoxious and say I love my husband. But I will spare you the ick🤣. Tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour and started choking on mucus so not sleeping. My husband needs to sleep now more than I do so hopefully after something hot to drink I can try again. I had a lot of sinus pressure the last few days so unfortunately everything probably started going into my throat. Honestly, I am trying not be affected by my circumstances. Meaning this time of the year I could be really depressed. I am trying to focus on all the blessings I have, but in the quiet sometimes it’s a struggle. I get to feeling lonely and then I get around people and feel overwhelmed. Then I ask myself, what’s wrong with me? Truly I enjoy my time with friends, but it winds me up so much that I have to calm way down. I remember sleepovers when I was a kid. We’d stay up as long as we possibly could. Eating Doritos in the middle of the night is not for those with weak stomachs. Then we’d go home...

 These last few weeks have certainly had their ups and downs. I am facing doctor frustration again. I was told by the foot doctor that my shoes were too tight. I got larger shoes and my feet hurt more than ever. I think it’s nerve pain since it’s burning and sharp. Probably won’t matter what kind of shoes I wear. Oh well. I lost a little weight and that’s good. Sometimes I feel every inch of my age. I am considering new ministry possibilities. I don’t know what direction God is leading me to yet. Sometimes all there is to do is wait. I know God hasn’t left me. He just has some more lessons for me to learn.

 This is my scripture response to my last writing. I believe there are times when I have to battle against lies in my own head. I am blessed to believe in Jesus Christ who is the truth(John 14). I also see in scripture that the Holy Spiritual is called the Spirit of truth(John 15:26). Also God the Father, Psalm 31:5, “ O LORD God of truth.” I read in Psalm 63 as king David wrote, “the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped. I thought about the times when too exhausted to fight anymore I just fell into God’s arms and let it go. He fights for us. He does it. I wonder how much energy I waste trying to fight it off myself. Anyway, if you know my God, you know He IS truth and He fights for us. When we’re too weak to stand, He fights. When we’re too weary to speak, He fights for us. III. John 1:4 “ I have no greater joy than to hear my that children walk in truth.”