Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

I know some of you are all about the body’s ability to fight for itself, but some of us need a little help. Add illness to allergies and I need my super suit. I am thankful to have it. Otherwise, I end up bronchitis. This is American so you can do what you want, but if you’re not willing to stay home when you’re really sick, can you at least warn the rest of us to stay away from you? Okay, rant over. My health, like the rest of me, is in God’s hands.   

 Today is one of those days when no matter what I might want to do, my engine is just stalled. Whether physical or emotional exhaustion, sometimes your body just has to rest. Today my blood pressure was low and it feels like a force is pulling me back down every time I try to get up. Since this isn’t my first time having to readjust prioritize to plans for health reasons, I just go with it. I have one of those hidden conditions which people often think is a figment of my imagination. Well, they say ignorance is bliss for a reason. Going to embrace the rest today. I am thankful I don’t have to do this every day. ‘God is my refuge and strength,”a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1. 

I am doing the deep thinking asking when I was no longer good enough? When did I have to start changing to be acceptable enough to be loved. I think it started pretty early. I believed if the way I was naturally wasn’t enough. My hair wasn’t blond enough. My size wasn’t cute enough. Point. If I can figure out when this started maybe I can start to walk more freely in the body God gave me. I remember a friend telling me once that people dye their hair to be my natural color. I got tired of trying to change it. The source of the lie didn’t even intend that message. So I can stop repeating it. God knew me “before “ . He knows what He’s doing. I haven’t got any further yet so that’s all I have today.

 I have a long way to go in the healing myself from the inside out process. I feel the love of God. I don’t just believe it. It’s like laying in the sun and letting the warmth surround you completely. I am not responsible for other people’s reactions or issues with me. That one is huge. And shock of all, not everything that happened is my fault. I can brush that off and walk away. I can stop beating myself up for stuff I can’t even identify. Cause God still loves me. I am not a mistake, but His perfect design. Yes, every part that you think is broken, He has a purpose for. And for my close family who doubt it, Come as you are. Jesus knows who you are. He is the One who does the washing. You can’t do that yourself. Just come. Hugs.