Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 These last few weeks have certainly had their ups and downs. I am facing doctor frustration again. I was told by the foot doctor that my shoes were too tight. I got larger shoes and my feet hurt more than ever. I think it’s nerve pain since it’s burning and sharp. Probably won’t matter what kind of shoes I wear. Oh well. I lost a little weight and that’s good. Sometimes I feel every inch of my age. I am considering new ministry possibilities. I don’t know what direction God is leading me to yet. Sometimes all there is to do is wait. I know God hasn’t left me. He just has some more lessons for me to learn.

 This is my scripture response to my last writing. I believe there are times when I have to battle against lies in my own head. I am blessed to believe in Jesus Christ who is the truth(John 14). I also see in scripture that the Holy Spiritual is called the Spirit of truth(John 15:26). Also God the Father, Psalm 31:5, “ O LORD God of truth.” I read in Psalm 63 as king David wrote, “the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped. I thought about the times when too exhausted to fight anymore I just fell into God’s arms and let it go. He fights for us. He does it. I wonder how much energy I waste trying to fight it off myself. Anyway, if you know my God, you know He IS truth and He fights for us. When we’re too weak to stand, He fights. When we’re too weary to speak, He fights for us. III. John 1:4 “ I have no greater joy than to hear my that children walk in truth.”

 It can be extremely frustrating to have legitimate challenges of mental health that “regular “ people either don’t understand or refuse to acknowledge. If I know you have diabetes, I am not going to give you a pound of sugar for Christmas. I know I can’t function well without sleep. It can cause a whole list of out of character things for me as well as put me at risk for mania. I am now seeing this may also mean taking my tiny list of friends and making it even smaller. I want to be healthy so I have to surround myself with people who support that. I can’t waist anymore time trying to prove it’s really a thing. It’s sad and I wish it wasn’t so hard. From a spiritual aspect, if there’s any little trace of unforgiveness in my heart towards someone, it will come bouncing out the minute I am overtired. The truth is that we are all works in progress, but maybe we all need to give each other more grace. I haven’t found my people yet. I still trust God has a purpose. 

 After surviving years of emotional abuse it has taken just as many years to heal. I thought since the Bible says,” each esteem others greater than himself,” I couldn’t see myself as worth anything. Like it was selfish to like myself, or value myself in any way. Praise the Lord those lies are not in charge of me. I saw this and bought it to remind myself. I know Jesus would have gone to the cross for me if I was the only sinner. He would stop everything to look for that one sheep that was missing even though 99 were found. I know not everyone will understand. There’s a chorus we used to sing years ago…🎵He’s able, He’s able, I know He’s able. I know my Lord is able to carry me through. (2x) He healed the broken hearted and He set the  captive free. He made the lame to walk again and he caused the blind to see. He’s able, He’s able, I know He’s able. I know my Lord is able to carry me through.”🎵