I open this post with a quote,”But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good…” There are often times when something happens that we just can’t understand. Why? Why is this happening? I have tortured myself with questions and pillows of self doubt convinced that I am blowing up all my relationships. But whether or not that is true, I still don’t know. What I do choose to believe is that God still continues to work things out for good in my life (Romans 8:28). I saw that happen yesterday when one person’s snub opened up another’s welcome. I know it sounds weird, but my point is that you can’t yet see the good that’s going to happen. If hasn’t happened yet. Don’t be discouraged. It’s coming.
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I have said a lot in the past about the swirl of thoughts in my head. I realized that I have difficulty removing them without writing things down. Read over I Corinthians 5 today and thought, “How do I take captive what I can’t identify?” I ended up in Psalm 139. I can have confidence after reading that, that God does know exactly what’s in my head. For the moment anyway, I am letting Him deal with it. It does make sense that He would give them to me a little at a time. I know I have a fear of abandonment and isolation. That goes back to a little girl whose parents didn’t know what to do with her. My husband says to me, “I am a lot.” I get that. But believing somewhere in my mind that I will be left behind by EVERYONE isn’t a lie I want to hold onto. I felt God with me early on even when I wasn’t sure where everyone was. He never left me. So if God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, He will never leave me. I fear the unknown...
Sometimes in life we can either dig up dirt or uncover treasures. Our lives are filled with unpleasant memories which we have tried very hard to forget. Those things end up being layers and layers of filth over our hearts we can’t even see. Yet if we can scrap it away, we might find something beautiful. Take it for the cryptic comment it is, my friend. I don’t think my memories will help you right now. I am amazed how much stuff is shoved down there. Does it make me untrusting of others? Yes! Does it make me question myself? Yes! Hebrews 12:1 has been the verse I keep going back to. “..lay aside every weight...”
My son made a paper mâché replica of the moon when he was younger. Being the consistent pack rat that I am it was still here in our living room. I am trying to clean everything up and believe or not, throw out the stuff we don’t need. Do you find it hard to throw away stuff you don’t need, remove things you shouldn’t have, or give up things you need to? It is different for everyone, but we can probably all relate to that in some small way. If you’re wondering how I got here you’d have to go way back. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends. It was my toys and me. My imagination gave them personalities. Could it be that I don’t need that stuff anymore? Could it be that I have real live people who are right here and worth much more! It won’t be easy, but I am willing to do the work. I will trash the unwanted books if I have to. I don’t expect people to understand, but maybe hold back the judgment. Cause like I said before, everyone struggles with something. Maybe it’s giving...
The last few days have been physically and emotionally challenging. I got to the point where all I could do was lay down and sleep. The physical pain would not relax until I completely let it all go. Sometimes that is the experience we have to face. Nothing I do is going to fix it. Nothing I say is going to make it untrue. Simply calm down and relax. Let the ripples of water run down the stream. It’s one of my places of deepest relaxation. To imagine the water flowing gently over the rocks. “My soul praises the Lord and my voice rejoices in God my Savior.”
I got my vaccines. Yes, I wanted to vent. I have kept my opinions carefully guarded cause it seems I fall in a statistical category where thirty seven percent of the people are not getting vaccinated. I am a white, Christian. The fact that I am also Hispanic lessons that. I find that hard to swallow honestly. Why are the majority of anti vaccines white? I can’t honestly give up more than a theory, but I hesitate to even voice that. It really doesn’t bother me what others choose to do. It’s their choice. I am just a little tired of being barked at for doing what our own family feels is best. As I said recently on a more public post, I am not the mask police. Neither am I the vaccine police. If my husband and I choose to risk it, shouldn’t that be our choice too. Maybe my ideas overall are just different. I would sacrifice to help a stranger. All the time? No. Only when prompted to by the Holy Spirt. But I asked myself why are we in this group so willing to put up a fight over autho...
I am so running out of interesting titles for these posts. I say the sun just keeps shining today. No matter how bad you feel. No matter what’s going on. The sun just keeps shining. I am moving along through the fog of life. Life is incredibly stressful right now. Life is lonely too. I am tired from trying to socialize and lonely from not. It’s confusing and frustrating all at the same time. I really want us to get a dog, but hubby expects me to do it all by myself. I am not comfortable doing something that important alone. A dog is a member of the family. We need to make that decision together. We all need better emotional support. Either that or they need to switch me to the happy pills that make you sleep most of the day. Just saying. It’s an idea.