Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

 Have you ever settled for just fine? Have you ever found yourself in pain every day and been told this is just normal for your age? After just not feeling good for a long time, I realized I was gaining weight again rapidly. I found this webinar about low thyroid and weight loss. I thought what’s the harm? I knew after that first session that I had found a solution. People have been telling me for years how they gave up sugar and felt amazing. I thought I just couldn’t do it. Now years later even before I started to watch I knew I have to give up sugar. Giving up gluten didn’t really help me because so much of the gluten free foods are loaded with sugar. Anyway, if you see me eating a chocolate bar, send help 🤣. I really want to wake up in the morning ready to start a day. Like that feeling on Christmas morning when you just can’t wait to get out of bed. What would it be like to feel like that every day? My pain is less some days than others. Exercise helps. I am thankful my God l...

 Here’s the thing, I don’t look my age. I don’t always act my age either. I see no reason to fear a number. How long I live isn’t tied to my age. No, how long I live is decided by God himself. True if I live it up with too much unhealthy choices I probably won’t see years much past eighty. I have no promise of long life. I do feel older. You just wake up and suddenly things are harder. Like spraining your ankle because you can’t feel your foot. Some days are easier than others. I used to walk and walk and now I have to stop way sooner. I guess people are a little nicer now that they think I am struggling. Truly I am fine. It just becomes normal. Just keep going. The hard part for me is the same as ever. I feel like a fly on the wall that people would rather squish than listen to. I understand I am different. I will always be a little different. I stopped fighting that a while ago. But sometimes I wouldn’t mind being almost done instead of halfway through. This world is ugly and lif...

 I have been in a loop of almost enough sleep for a couple of weeks now. I had already started to get a little fuzzy and confused. I finally had time off to sleep in and still woke up too early. This time I went back to sleep the times determined to get enough sleep to restore my brain. I got it. I guess my breathing wasn’t great during the night probably why I woke up so much. Anyway, hopefully now I can think straight to do what I need to do. Sometimes, I got to turn off everything and just rest. That isn’t laziness. It’s necessary. I have been teaching on Elijah this last month. The last lesson was on I Kings 19. Elijah is told by the angel of the Lord to ‘rest for the journey is too great for you.’  It is one of my favorite passages because it shows God’s tender loving care for his servant in weakness. Humans all have weaknesses and limitations, but God has no limits. When we cannot take another step, He takes care of us. Whether it means us needing to sleep or us needing ...

  I started this blog to have a place to talk about mental illness and being a Christian. I still have bipolar disorder. I am very stable ninety-nine percent of the time. Dealing with racing thoughts and anxiety currently. I had reduced my lithium dose a little back in November and now I am getting back to my prior dosage. All to get to why I am writing. Why do Christians think mental health is a spiritual illness. It’s not. The brain isn’t functioning correctly and that imbalance is causing my symptoms. The Spiritual can definitely impact us especially when we are symptomatic. However, it’s like aggravating an already damaged area. Meaning the devil most certainly takes advantage of weakness to attack me when I am unwell. Even after sending him on his way, I still have to deal with the daily struggle of my actual illness until everything calms down again. Then deal with Christians who want to pray away my brain functions. God made me this way! Unless and until He chooses to change...

 Honestly, I just need to vent for a second. My hubby and I both work and we are not poor. Unfortunately, though with chronic conditions we have to see specialist doctors every 4-6 months. One appointment to mine is about $84 dollars if they haven’t raised it. My primary charges $115-150. Labs have to be done every six months. They usually cost about $150, but this last time they added separate charges for each test and it was $550. My insurance covered $51 of that bill. Still paying on an ER visit last January when had trouble breathing and they gave me a breathing treatment. That was around $5,000. I have paid almost half down. Good old Wellspan sends these unpleasant reminders even though I am making regular payments. I learned the hard way years ago. Legally if you pay something, they can’t report you to collections, but if you miss a payment they will immediately pounce. Anyway, bottom line is we have enough bills that paying them right away just wasn’t doable. The more free h...

Well, I was all set to be obnoxious and say I love my husband. But I will spare you the ick🤣. Tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour and started choking on mucus so not sleeping. My husband needs to sleep now more than I do so hopefully after something hot to drink I can try again. I had a lot of sinus pressure the last few days so unfortunately everything probably started going into my throat. Honestly, I am trying not be affected by my circumstances. Meaning this time of the year I could be really depressed. I am trying to focus on all the blessings I have, but in the quiet sometimes it’s a struggle. I get to feeling lonely and then I get around people and feel overwhelmed. Then I ask myself, what’s wrong with me? Truly I enjoy my time with friends, but it winds me up so much that I have to calm way down. I remember sleepovers when I was a kid. We’d stay up as long as we possibly could. Eating Doritos in the middle of the night is not for those with weak stomachs. Then we’d go home...

 These last few weeks have certainly had their ups and downs. I am facing doctor frustration again. I was told by the foot doctor that my shoes were too tight. I got larger shoes and my feet hurt more than ever. I think it’s nerve pain since it’s burning and sharp. Probably won’t matter what kind of shoes I wear. Oh well. I lost a little weight and that’s good. Sometimes I feel every inch of my age. I am considering new ministry possibilities. I don’t know what direction God is leading me to yet. Sometimes all there is to do is wait. I know God hasn’t left me. He just has some more lessons for me to learn.