Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

Thinking about all the people I've know over the years from the five states and five churches I've been a part of. I can't say there were many real friends although MANY deal people made an impact in my life. There were caring teachers when I was a kid and sweet kind believers who helped in times of need. I know I am part of the reason there were few lasting friendships. I haven't been that great at it. I am learning. I have to say that it was my family that surprised me the most. In my toughest moments, or should I say my ugliest(:; It was my family that loved me anyway. They except me just as I am. I am so thankful for that. I have a few real friends that are amazing, but they aren't blood. I don't expect them to put up with whatever I dish up. In turn, I have to take whatever they dish up. I spent away my energy trying to please people that didn't matter. I should be "proving what is acceptable unto the Lord."

I had planned last night to write something eloquent, but opted to sleep instead. And now in the words of my father, "I have nothing brilliant to say." Seriously, the last month and a half has been busy with the finishing of the school year. I am always a little surprised how wiped out I feel shortly after. What just happened? Bam! Just another school year ended. The summer started with a blast of activity that I was less than enthusiastic to participate in. We have done some things, but I'm still feeling wiped. Not exciting or eloquent, I know, just true. Do all mothers feel this way or just us nutty ones? Yes, I am calling myself nutty. As for the rest of you, you can decide for yourself. As for my bipolar, I have been on a mini-roller coaster ride lately. Up, down, up, down, around a curve, and up, down, up. I say mini cause I am not having extreme swings just minor ones. I would even go so far as to say that I am not really depressed at all just more tired than usual...

There are those days when living in a house of boys is less than favorable. Yesterday, there was the maple syrup puddle under the table in the morning. Then the coats all over the floor. And the Lego's I keep tripping on. Joy, oh joy. Typical day. And like any other typical day, I was unable to use my bathroom last night until I cleaned up another puddle I found in the middle of the bathroom floor. To put it delicately, one of them missed. I knew this since there was a trail from the toilet seat to the floor. Why on earth do people think we need a dog...we have BOYS!!!

Having a bad day. We got ready to go to our field trip and I couldn't find my car keys. A normal thing for me, but they usually turn up rather quickly. My husband was home, but took forever to finally offer to let me use his keys and look for mine later. At this point we could still make it, but we would be just barely on time. I go out to the car and it won't start. The battery was completely dead. I know these things happen. I told my husband who proceeded to start shouting in frustration. My children were upset cause they had to miss their outing. And needless to say yikes it was frustrating to me too. Mostly feeling trapped in all that hostility. I ended up getting mad myself no big shock and the domino effect of all four of us was a mess. Now in the aftermath of the whole big ridiculous thing I am trying to calm down and carry on with our day. We still have a bunch of stuff to do. So now what do I look for my car keys again or go make bread? I know to some of you with real...

I was thinking again; dangerous I know. Trying to pray and finding myself drifting. Just last I was wondering when did I stop trusting God and why? It was easier to trust God when my problems were monstrosities. Today, I realized, my biggest problem is myself: My worries, my fears, my insecurities. Not some big thing that I can't ever change, but the haunting of my own thoughts. I've come to realize that my own ineffectiveness comes from that same lack of trust. Of course maybe I'm remembering my formal self too highly. I struggled then too. The bottom line is that now when I go to read the WORD which I know can deliver me from such thoughts...I become distracted and confused or bombarded by bad memories and harsh realities. I want to be able to read my Bible with a clear head. Yet I have to be content with whatever moments of focus I get. So that's the bad news. The good news is that my God is able. I do believe he can help me through today. Not because today is so ter...

This Christmas day was not too much like others. I woke to find a still frozen turkey in the sink and wondered just what to do about it. After four hours of pampering we finally got it thawed and stuffed. Christmas dinner was saved. My wonderful hubby helped willingly and grumbled later. We were all grumpy, tired, and hungry by the time it was all ready. My youngest is sick. Poor thing sounds terrible. But the children loved their presents and had so much fun playing with new things. I am thankful they really are easy to please MOST of the time. I am also thankful for all the great relatives and friends that contributed to the family's supply of presents and food. We were given anonymous grocery money this year. We have been give anonymous money from some source almost every year of our marriage. Whether we thought we needed it or not, it was always put to good use. If I don't need it, I give it away. I was able to give food away some this year so I felt like we were getting it...

For me it's the time of year for a netty pot and humidifier. I have a sinus infection and bronchitis thanks to the dry air. I hate using the netty pot, but I am doing it to help clean it all out. I remember my Mom used to have sinus trouble...She still does. She would boil a pot of water and stick her face in it. Her whole face would turn beat red, but the offending stuff would drain out. If my husband is reading this, yes I know I am gross, but I will try to keep it tame for the readers sake. As much as I dislike the netty pot, it is better than sticking my face over a pot of boiling water. I still love vapor rub. That stuff is the best when you're sick. I remember using it when I was little. I let the boys use it too sometimes. I guess some old time remedies still work well. On a less gross note, we got all the Christmas cards hung up around the living room. Now I just have to clean it AGAIN. Why is it you can mess up a room in five minutes, but it takes an hour to fix it? I ...