Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

You know the old saying, "A woman's work is never done." I have to admit that it is surprisingly true. You get one job done and there are twelve more waiting to be accomplished. Before you can finish those it is time to do number one all over again. My house is a royal mess. I have three loads of laundry to fold. There is dirty laundry backed up to be washed. It is time to get out the cool clothes and put away the warm ones. The attic is so messy right now(that one's not my fault) that I can't get in there to do it. My boys have too many clothes because we haven't got to this sorting process yet. So their clothes are falling out of their drawers. It doesn't help that they don't fold anything. It doesn't matter I fold their clothes because they shove them in and they don't stay folded. Needless to say it is a tossup from running from the house screaming or throwing clothes out the window. Not going to do either, but it sure felt good to say so.

I am so glad to have friends. As for the grown-up part, just watching my children with their struggles makes me thankful that stuff is behind me. Remember when it was the end of the world to be picked last for gym class, called ridiculous names, or left out of the popular crowd. I don't have a crowd I am desperate to get into and if someone doesn't accept me; I don't care. That isn't to say that there feelings and needs don't matter, but I am not going to spend all my energy trying to please the unpleaseable. I am not going to waste my time trying to be liked by someone who just chooses not to like me. That's their problem not mine. It is wonderful to no longer feel that great insecurity that used to weigh me down so much. Not only do I have better relationships with my friends and family, but I also feel more secure in my relationship with God. I don't have to fear that God will not accept me. He already has! He won't break his promises.

My exciting post of the day is leftovers. I am trying to think of creative new ways to use up my leftovers. I heard a Pennsylvania Dutch recipe recently for chicken pot pie and wondered if I could use my leftover pork roast to make something similar. I used yoke free egg noddles instead of the traditional square noddles. I substituted pork for chicken and pork broth for chicken broth. I turned my pork broth into pork gravy(really not that fatty...only a bit of butter all the fat had been skimmed.) I sliced up four potatoes into eighth of inch rounds and layered the pan. The potatoes were par boiled along with the carrots so they wouldn't be crunchy. I layered, potatoes, carrots, kale,pork, gravy, noddles and then repeated, but only did one layer of kale. Trying to sneak that stuff in(:. I seasoned each layer with dried onions, garlic powder and paprika. If it tastes yucky, I'll have to regret posting this(:, but it spells delicious. Last night we had pork barbecue. Now only hav...

That's right I'm tired and I'm not complaining. Just a fact. I had a good day although a full one. It is now 12:00 a.m. and I can't go to bed yet cause I have to wash clothes. I washed some earlier today, but didn't have time to finish all the laundry before we went out for the evening. When we got home I totally forgot until it was bedtime. I would have just washed em and dried them in the morning, but turns out Hubby is out of unmentionables. Honestly, I just washed whites two days ago and would have took care of it then if he had told me he needed them. Oh well. I needed to wash stuff anyway. Just hope my body cooperates when real morning comes and I have to get up. I slept really well last night and didn't even need a nap today. For those of you who know me really well that is surprising. I tend to fizzle out at some point in the day. My nutritionist says it is cause of waiting too long to eat during the day. Not sure. I did get a sugar drop tonight, but it ...

Remember when you were a young teenager. Excited to be entered in to the "big kids" group. Nervous about all the changes. I am trying to think back to that time. To what I was thinking and feeling and how I acted. I was one of those kids who saved up my teen "moodiness" for my family to deal with. So for the most part, my church friends and teachers didn't see that much of that. My family on the other hand, had to deal with gloomy miss one day and enraged girl the other. Not sure what I was so angry about. There was a lot going on all at once. My father leaving at fourteen, my mother going to pieces daily, and my brothers being gone most of the time. My safe innocent world being suddenly frightening and unsafe. Like the first time your forced to dive in to the deep end of the smelling public swimming pool. I remember I used to feel safe in the woods behind my house until my neighbors told me not to go there anymore because some girl had been raped or murdered ba...

So I stopped lamactal and started taking some other drug. Trecal or something like that. Not important. The side effects seem minor except for the horrible dizzy feeling when I tried to take the recommended dose. I ended up only taking half. I took it for a month and the doc said my white cell counts were down. Off that med I went. I gave myself a week of nothing to purge my system and now I am trying depakote twice a day instead of once. I haven't really noticed any differences either way. Physically, I was healthier off it, but I was having to take my "calm down" medicine everyday. Not sure what I am going to do. Right now I am giving this twice a day thing a try, but not optimistic. Yesterday, I had a really bad day in the form of I couldn't think straight. I think I just needed more sleep...which is what I should be doing right now...sleeping. When I don't get enough sleep my brain shuts down. It is difficult because I can't just stay home and tell people,...

Well, called the psychiatrist on Tuesday and he said to stop taking the lamactal. I am now only taking one medication. Of course that is till I see him again and he puts me on something else. I have been a little off this last couple weeks since going off the depacote. More mood swings, and anxiety. I had to increase my calm down medications since I am not on anything else. I am on vacation which doesn't help matters. I don't like change, large crowds, or being out of my routine. Thus vacations,although fun, are not relaxing. I am doing better today just need to try to sleep a decent nights sleep. I know I should be quoting Bible verses about trusting God, but this is my honest place here. I felt very defeated yesterday. Frustrating to realize that some things will never change no matter what you do. Yes, God is in control and still on the throne. Yes, he for some unknown reason put me in this world with this set of parents. Just don't want to be doomed to repeat their mist...