Bipolar, but still Christian : Just Another Challege

Remember the days when you are too tired to bathe. I remember that. I feel that way now(:. I just want to crash and sleep. I tried caffeine to buy me some extra time awake, but it didn't work. I am just worn out. Truth be told, I have been tired all the time lately. I am fine until I stop and then I feel it. I probably have some vitamin deficiency or other. Now, I realize I am ranting about ills which is quite boring. I have been very busy for several weeks with my volunteer work and I haven't had time to clean my house. The worse it got; the worse I felt. Maybe it is psychological. I am thankful the house if finally cleaner and I feel less hopeless about doing the parts I still have left to do. Do you even fear doing something just because it is new or different? I find it funny trying to explain that to people. You know the ones. They rearrange their house because they are bored. Me, I just want to be surrounded by the familiar in my home. If I like something, then it st...

I know I have said it before thus the weird title. Today and yesterday I was really discouraged about something. I spoke to a friend and she really gave me a boost. When Elijah was discouraged and thought he was the only prophet left, God reminded him how wrong he was. I feel like that friend was my reminder today that God is still in control and I am not alone. I can stand up for what is right and whatever happens, it will be okay. Maybe things won't end the way I want them to, but I can trust God to help me keep on going.

Today is my youngest son's birthday. His birth was much less traumatic than his older brother's. He was the best baby. I would put him in his crib and he would just coo and talk to himself until he got sleepy. He hardly ever cried. He did pull down the curtains in his room and I had to remove most of the bedding from his crib. He is our destroyer. He is also the family ham. You know, the child that puts underwear on his head until he gets a reaction. Of course if you asked him that now, he would deny it. He doesn't like to be called out on his silly behavior. But do any of us really? I think we have managed to give him enough healthy attention that he won't be permanently warped. This is the boy who usually will give me hugs. I will miss that. The little boy is going away. I am thankful for him and I pray that I will have the wisdom to help him mature.

For any newbies reading my blog and reminder to the old ones. Why am I blogging about myself? This is basically a public journal. I am holding myself accountable in a sense by airing so much publicly. I put the warnings about the content because there are many people who are so uncomfortable around the topic of mental illness that I know they would not enjoy reading my blog. I am careful to be sensitive to that when I am around them, however, I am not apologizing for having bipolar disorder and discussing it opening. We all have parts of us that are broken in one form or anther. While we can't go around complaining every moment of the day, it isn't something to try to hide from. I can say, "I'm fine" and most of the time that is true, but that doesn't make me no longer bipolar. I also find that there really isn't a much good Christian encouragement for people with mental illness. I would like to encourage others that you can hold on to God through emotiona...

Every day little things around us either bring us pleasure or discontent. When it comes to being married, it can depend on the hour or the day. I love my husband to pieces, but those little things can test my patience. It bugs him that I open wrappers and forget to throw them away. It bugs me that he blows his nose really loud right next to the bed when I am sleeping. I say those because they are so ridiculous. I have as many irritating qualities as he does. A few reasons to be glad I married him. He still wakes me up with a kiss every morning. He makes me laugh. He rubs my head when I have a headache. He comes home to me every night. The day he is perfect; I will be too! We have had our rocky times, but with God's help they brought us closer together. I didn't really know what love was when I got married. Does anyone? I just looooved him(:. I didn't know about choosing to love someone by my actions. I wash underwear for him because his love language is service. Not that I...

Sometimes moments of my life become nothing, but white noise. I suppose for some people that would be a comforting sound, but I never did enjoy the sound. I am not talking about your fan humming; I mean loud monotonous noise like an old television or buzzing flies. The kind of sound that almost makes your skin crawl. That is what it feels like when I am having an anxiety attack in a room full of people. Their voices all sound distant and seem to buzz. Other times the white noise isn't so easy to identify. Like when youn hear a dripping water, but you cannot find the source. Picture a room full of people. If you are engaged in the conversation, you are enjoying their company. All of a sudden you hear everyone talking at once, but their voices seem very far away. All those voices begin to blend and sound like buzzing flies. Okay so that's the crowd explanation. Picture that same sensation inside your head. When my mind begins to race, it is as if there are flies stuck up in ...

I get it(:, I was forgetting how good I have it. I was reading I Corinthians 10 today. How much trouble I get into when I compare myself to others. It's true, I have emotional/psychological issues, but they doesn't have to be my undoing. I have a friend who is struggling with excepting a mental health disorder. Her reluctance to accept it is prolonging her aggravated symptoms. My fellow bipolar buddies can relate to that. We all go through a period of denial. I wonder if cancer patients do that? As if pretending there is nothing wrong with you, will some how heal you. Sorry, it doesn't work. Believe me I tried it too. I imaging everyone can relate to that for some reason. I have a gift though; two in fact. My two children are my gifts. I wanted to be healthy enough to raise them. What if I didn't have them? Would I have cared about getting well then? What if you thought you had no one...would you care enough to want to be well? Notice, I said thought because I truly bel...